Questioning

They say it is part of our nature, the foundation of what makes us human, what makes us relate to one another. We all have questions; why am I, what could have I, how could you... Questions we may never get answers to and those who do, boy aren't you lucky. A million questions fill…

A while

For the longest time I've shied away from feeling, for each time I do I just get so sad and confused. You know, we often speak about community; not having to go through things on your own, but why do I feel like I'm doing all this on my own. Day by day, weeks by…

Bail

Heart worn on sleeve, trigger warnings given before she speaks, yet you victimize her making her feel like she was ill. Can you not see the strength it took to love you when her world is falling apart, To support and come to your aid with the little strength she harbored in her heart. She…

Daily schedule

6 am: pillow soaked, skin inflamed by salty tears, mind distraught... 12 pm: body in fetus position, back burning in the hot sunrays piercing through the window, mind absent in hope to regain composure... 6pm: feet close to electric heat source, candy on tongue, mind indulging in thoughts of a better tomorrow. Muscles slightly tense,…

Morning

Hands shivering, heart pounding, the sun no where to be found, Pillow soiled, eye lids involuntarily shut, stinging headache, All mornings have been like this, spells lasting more than others. Prolonged bathroom breaks, mirror avoidance, silent echoes of silent cries, Noting down emotions, 8 consecutive weeks of putting on a brave face holding on to…

Chapter 3

Growing up wasn't all rosie for me. I faced my own share of self-inflicted and circumstantial hurdles. As a child, I often dreamt of a life a lot simpler and easier. A life where no one would know pain or question their worth, I soon realized that such a life is just a fantasy. I've…

Avoidance

Common chain of thought; okay smile don't let them worry, when asked say "I'll be fine" Mask your inability to write, something you once found pleasure in. Hide your new developed sense of hopeless, remember don't make them worry... Keep it to yourself, no one wants to deal with expressions of emotional distress. The world…

Dear 25 year old me

You took a gamble and gave hope other shoot, left everything that seemed promising to return to a place that left you wondering if you were fit to function. Whenever I look at you, I see a young woman trying to defy the odds. I see a person trying to exercise her fully functioning prefrontal…

Open book

Sitting on my bed thinking about life and how things work. I can't help but wonder if we'll all go through similar experiences at some point in our lives. Will we all experience loneliness? loneliness so deep that you can't pin point when it started. Will we all experience confusion? The inability to distinguish life's…

Dear 30 year old self

I've been meaning to write to you, but haven't had the strength to. See a few years ago things got really tough, random feelings of hopelessness that just wouldn't go away. I hope you aren't feeling that too. I want to believe that you are in a better place, that everything is making alot more…