Worship

I wonder why they look at me strange
like i don’t belong on this row
i’m trying to figure out if i’m staying
cuz i don’t feel welcome here
i know i’m not dressed like everyone else
and i don’t own a pair of church shoes
but i’m here because i needed some help
i’m starting to think that i made a bad move
but if they give me the chance
i only want to make it to the altar to see the man
that’s why i came today to change my ways
and i am not ashamed but they’re pushing me away… (Todd Dulaney)

They’re pushing me away,
They say I went astray,
I’m beyond redemption,
I’ve missed my salvation,
Too far out of reach,
Too unworthy to hear holy men preach,
And these are the same people that are supposed to put me in contact with Jesus, the same people that are afraid of eye or skin contact because if they reach out they’ll get sin-contact,
Diseased,
Contagious,
Deceased,
Shunned by Men who consider themselves religious…
Like a track on Spotify I’ve been released,
Single,
Destined to live alone,
Unable to get through the crowds
So I climb on a sycamore tree,
Because it makes them sick to see more of me,
Zaccheus,
Known and hated by all,

I was born blind,
Unable to see my mother’s smile
If ever I did make her smile,
Or the proud look of my father
If ever he was proud of me,
It wasn’t too long until society turned a blind eye to me,
Isolated,
Forgotten…

I was deaf,
Never heard the birds chirping,
Waterfalls cascading down rocky riverbeds,
Or even an “I love you” from my parents,
Deaf and unheard,
Cast aside and my Cries?
bootless,
The world? Just as deaf as me…

I was a leper,
Deprived of love’s embrace,
Too unclean to live,
To share experiences,
To be loved and accepted,
A living cadaver,
An untouchable man,
Longing,
Reaching out for something I could never have…

I was a prostitute,
Rejected,
Never knew love,
Never made love,
Just an object for pleasure,
Temporary,
So definitely not love,
Shoved aside once they got their fill,
Unable to be loved by men who just loved the feeling I gave them,
Unlovable…

I was possessed,
Soul drifted far into the further,
Drowning in my own vessel,
An outsider within myself,
Dejected,
Rejected,
Neglected,
Never taken heed of,
Befriended by my demons;
Summons for help shoved aside by the same people that gave the “love thy neighbour sermons”…

But…

There was this man…
This man…
He saw us,
He looked at us,
He looked beyond the brokenness,
Beyond the derelict state of our souls,
Beyond what He had heard,
He looked at us with love.
Such a foreign gaze,
A foreign feeling,
A transforming kind of love,
A beckoning kind of love…
A love so pure,
A love so true,

He said “let he without sin cast the first stone”,
In a scene unseen a sinner was beckoned,
A jaw dropping moment of rare introspection as “holy men” examined their hearts just to find holes in them,
Voids preventing love from seething through and remaining and yet allowing the thick pollution from the world to percolate and invade…
Brood of vipers poisoning the world with man-made doctrines, teaching traditions as though they were God’s own words,
Fighting for seats of honour and yet living with none,
Speaking of God’s love and yet unable to portray it,
Dressed in fancy church clothes and yet lacking a heart of Christ…

See,
Great love is born of great knowledge.
When we worship out of ignorance,
our worship is empty.
When we worship out of ignorance,
We sell out our saviour with a kiss,
Judas,
When we worship out of ignorance,
we crucify love and lift up Barabas,
Sin,
When we worship out of ignorance,
We sing hymns with unchanged hearts,
Just lyrics and musical notes pleasing to the ear but screeching to the spirit.
See,
Your knowledge is your worship ceiling.

God’s servant Job said “I heard about you from others ; now I have seen you with my own eyes.
Therefore I retract [my words and hate myself] And I repent in dust and ashes.”
I repent in dust and ashes…
because [by choice] I exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator,
I repent in dust and ashes…

Who am I that you are mindful of me and care for me?
Everything under the heavens is Yours, so who am I to have claim against my creator?
I repent in dust and ashes and so I worship my lover, creator, friend, Dad,
I worship because I love,
I love because I know…

but if they give me the chance
i only want to make it to the altar to see the man
that’s why i came today to change my ways
and i am not ashamed but they’re pushing me away…